I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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