oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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