laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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