i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
