sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Just invented taco cereal.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
