I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
