She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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