My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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