i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
