just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
