I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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