I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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