Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
