So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
