so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
it was like his penis was on wheels.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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