I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
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