That's intense
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
