And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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