If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
