Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
