Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
