I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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