I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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