After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
