His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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