508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
