He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
