apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
