It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
