the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
