Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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