Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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