he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
