considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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