my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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