If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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