I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
well you can't waste a boner
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
pray to the hookup gods
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
