whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
