I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
