It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
