You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
