I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
