if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
