But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
