i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
