you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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