I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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