Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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