Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
