u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
