so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Randomize
